Visions of Darkness, New Blog Name, and the Way Forward

When I was ten, I finished the Grand Admiral Thrawn trilogy. Before that, I had just completed the X-Wing series. It was at that time that I knew what I wanted to do as a “grown up.” I wanted to write. Specifically, I wanted to write Star Wars. I wanted people to read the novels that I wrote and feel the same joy and excitement I felt. I wanted them to say, “wow, what a good story!” I wanted to do for them what Timothy Zahn did for me.

And that’s how Patrick Price was born.

He was born as the Admiral of the third Nimpsonian fleet. He was force sensitive, although he didn’t know it then. His was a world in the outer rim, uncharted, save for by a race of lizard like creatures known as the Archaleons. Their leader was a ruthless Sith Lord named Rengar, a name I derived my corrupting the word ‘anger.’ Patrick would fight his fleet in an epic battle above the skies of Nimpson, and, once defeated, retreat underground until Han, Lea, and Luke arrived to save him and his world. I even came up with a name for the series: Visions of Darkness.

That story didn’t stay that way for too long–maybe a few years. But Patrick still lives. His is my journey. As I grew and matured, so did he, and so did his story. When I entered the world of Online role playing, I took him with me. Without reading ay of the foundational books of fantasy, I took his world and transformed it–translated it, rather, into one of sword and sorcery.

Patrick has always reflected me–not in the simplistic, literary cathartic way, but rather reflecting my intellectual and learning progress. When I was fifteen, I became intensely interested in fantasy. And so Patrick’s world became set in a fantastical stage. Nimpson became an old, decaying Empire on the verge of collapse. Archelon, still the villains, became a younger kingdom sprouting its wings and beginning an imperialist agenda (unknown to me, at the time, is that Empire is bad and Kingdom is good). Patrick was a young noble in the old regime of Nimpson. Rengar was an older general in Archelon. Their battle continued, but this time on the fantasy level.

I remember when Nimpson still had magic incorporated in the story. There were magicians of the five elements- earth, water, fire, wind, and greenery. Patrick, however, was a sixth, rarer type. He became a “feeler,” someone who could manipulate the emotions and sensations of other people in the story world. This world evolved continuously, of course, during my late teenage, until magic all but disappeared from it, and Archelon and Nimpson became two nations amongst many others. Still, I kept the name for the series. Star Wars or not, fantasy or not, it was the name of my story. Visions of Darkness.

That was when Patrick’s story really took off. Before then, I had never really written with Patrick. I had a chapter or two done, I had thought a lot about it, but I had never truly sat down and written with him. But at 15 I joined the Dojang, an online writing community. That’s when I met Kiori. Wind blade. RPGfan. Mario Guy. FOXRules. Aurrin. Bowlslaw. And many others. That’s when I actually started writing. When I was 15 or 16, I completed almost half a very bad novel about the world. And I wrote countless other duels, RPGs, and other miscellaneous pieces with the group of friends at the Dojang. The Dojang changed my life. I wanted to write when I was ten. But when people ask me, “when did you start writing?” I say, “when I was fifteen.” Because that was the age at which I started writing with the Dojang. That’s when Visions of Darkness truly became my vision.

And then the Dojang collapsed. And I stopped writing. For a while at least.

Patrick, however, still exists. He’s come a long way from being a young Admiral fighting for life and death above the skies of Nimpson. He’s come a long way from the manipulator of emotions and sensations. As I’ve grown, so has he. He may not be all he was before, but those are still his roots.

I may not be what I was before, but Visions of Darkness is my roots. I’ve decided now: I’m going to be a writer. I’m going to tell Patrick’s story. So much of his world has changed, and, at some point, his name will have to change too. I’m not thinking about that yet; that’ll be the hardest thing to let go of. But one day, I will tell his story. However it comes out, however it evolves (even though I think I like where he is now), I will tell his story.

And that’s where I’m going to start. I’ve finally decided on a blog name. It’s not going to be Visions of Darkness. That’s not the me of today. While I respect my journey and appreciate it, that’s not my current reality. But I don’t want to pretend that who I was five years ago hasn’t shaped who I am now. And so, keeping that in mind, I’ve decided on the following name:

Seeing Through Darkness
looking for a personal vision in my own darkness

Thank you for reading this long, personal rant. Hopefully you’ll join me on my journey.

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